Feeding the Beast of Unworthiness

Now, Haman thought to himself, "Who is there that the king would rather honor than me"? Esther 6:6

As I worked through the daily lesson of the Beth Moore Bible Study (Esther) this morning, I recalled an event in my life that I had long forgotten.

After having an unprecedented year of sales, I was given the opportunity to interview for a national training position. This was a position that I had desired since entering pharmaceutical sales. I had taken advantage of many opportunities to participate in training events, both in our region and at the national level. I had been told many times, “You’re a natural trainer….you should consider working in the training division…” In other words, I felt like I had received support and was a shoo-in for the position.

Unbeknownst to me, my interview was a sham. The position had been filled and my interview was only conducted to make it “look like” they had offered me an opportunity. Not only was I hurt and disappointed, but I was angry. It took me a long time to “shake off” those feelings and refocus my efforts on my current position.

This and other past events have been used by “Big Red” to reinforce my feelings of unworthiness. It is a constant struggle for me to see myself as worthy in the eyes of my Creator and King. Many times, I found myself seeking honor or praise from others to overcome these feelings. God has taught me many times that my worth comes only from being His child…there is no greater honor.

As I continue my journey to the cross, I find myself completely humbled to even BE on the journey. To be a participant in this journey comes only from the saving grace and mercy of my Lord and King. If it weren’t for His sacrifice for me and my sins, I would be struggling to feed the beast of unworthiness with empty honor and praise from the world.

My salvation and my honor depends on God, He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:7

Dear Lord, As I continue this Lenten journey to the cross, help me to humble myself and realize that the only praise and honor that’s needed is to be a servant of my King. Help me to realize that praise and honor from the world is empty and useless in eternity. My heart’s desire is to hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. What a great honor that will be! Amen

Dreaming About a Dirty House

On my journey to the cross during this Lenten season, per request of our pastor, I am recording thoughts that God seems to be giving me along the way. Last night I had a dream that I know has significance in my journey. My husband and I were moving into a house that clearly was unfit for human habitation. We were trying to clean, repair and get the house in some shape in which to live. Finally, after exhaustive efforts, we finally decided that it was beyond repair.....and that's when I woke up.

As I reflected on that dream this morning, I was reminded of the words of one of my favorite songs, Gentle Savior by David Phelps. There is no doubt that God is speaking to me through the dream and the words of the song.

Why can’t I walk away from my regrets
And why is forgiveness so hard to accept.
My past surrounds me like a house I can’t afford.
But You say, "Come with me; don’t live there anymore".

Turning around to return to a "dirty house" will only be futile..I must surrender any thoughts of looking back on my journey toward the cross.

The psalmist said it the best...
Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Now, that's the place I want to live....

Dear Lord, Help me to see how futile and uncomfortable it is to live in a house with all of our wordly "furniture and filth". Your promise of being with you forever in the house of the Lord is more than we can fathom. Thank you for the grace, mercy and forgiveness that allows us to leave that earthly house and move-in to a house full of Your love.
Immanuel, God with us! Amen

The World Behind Me, the Cross Before Me

At our Ash Wednesday service last night, our pastor created a labyrinth to initiate our Lenten journey.  The theme of this year's Lenten season is "Steps to the Cross".  There were many "markers" on the labyrinth that reminded us of steps-how many steps in a mile, how many steps Peter took out of the boat, how many steps Jesus took to the cross.  We were then invited to pray the prayer of John Wesley

Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt;

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee,

exalted for thee or brought low by thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things

to thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God,

Father, Son and Holy Spirit,

thou art mine, and I am thine. So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

Our pastor also asked us to consider keeping a journal to record our thoughts and any work that God may be doing in our life.  As I listened this morning on http://www.pandora.com/ to the song, I Have Decided to Follow Jesus, by Selah, the words, "The world behind me, the cross before me", I realized that the only way I could take steps toward the cross was to walk away from the world. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses ,

let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles,

and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith,

who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame,

and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 

Hebrews 12:1-2

Dear Lord, Thank you that the great cloud of witnesses are surrounding me, cheering me on,  as I take these steps toward the cross of Christ during this Lenten season.  Through the power of the Holy Spirit, help me to throw off any excesses in my life that will hinder me from running this couse set before me. Keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.  Immanuel, God with us..

He Leadeth Me....Don't be Confused About That

Yesterday, confusion seemed to face me on every front.  There was confusion with my daughter about who should be invited to a bridal tea, confusion about the details of an upcoming training event this weekend and even confusion about what I should eat.  As I stopped to talk to God about it, the song, He Leadeth Me, popped into my head and I immediately started singing the chorus.

He leadeth me, O blessèd thought!

O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!

Whate’er I do, where’er I be

Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.

The story behind the hymn is very interesting...Joseph Gilmore tells this story:

As a young man who recently had been graduated from Brown University and Newton Theological Institution, I was supplying for a couple of Sundays the pulpit of the First Baptist Church in Philadelphia. At the mid-week service, on the 26th of March 1862, I set out to give the people an exposition of the Twenty-third Psalm, which I had given before on three or four occasions, but this time I did not get further than the words "He leadeth me." Those words took hold of me as they had never done before, and I saw them in a significance and wondrous beauty of which I had never dreamed.

It was the darkest hour of the Civil War, I did not refer to that fact – that is, I don’t think I did – but it may subconsciously have led me to realize that God’s leadership is the one significant fact in human experience, that it makes no difference how we are led, or whither we are lead, so long as we are sure God is leading us.

At the close of the meeting a few of us in the parlor of my host, good Deacon Wattson, kept on talking about the thought which I had emphasized; and then and there, on a blank page of the brief from which I had intended to speak, I penciled the hymn, talking and writing at the same time, then handed it to my wife and thought no more about it. She sent it to The Watchman and Reflector, a paper published in Boston, where it was first printed. I did not know until 1865 that my hymn had been set to music by William B. Bradbury. I went to Rochester to preach as a candidate before the Second Baptist Church. Going into their chapel on arrival in the city, I picked up a hymnal to see what they were singing, and opened it at my own hymn, "He Leadeth Me."

William Bradbury added the last two lines of the chorus, "His faithful foll’wer I would be, for by His hand he leadeth me" as he put it to music.Watchman and Reflector printed the hymn in its December 4, 1862 edition.

The words to the rest of the hymn paint a wonderful picture of God's promise:

Sometimes mid scenes of deepest gloom,

Sometimes where Eden's bowers bloom

By waters still, o'er troubled sea,

Still tis His hand that leadeth me.

Lord, I would place my hand in Thine,

Nor ever murmur nor repine;

Content, whatever lot I see,

Since ’tis my God that leadeth me.

And when my task on earth is done,

When by Thy grace the vict'ry's won

E'en death's cold wave I will not flee.

Since God through Jordan leadeth me.

The first four verses of Psalm 23 are very clear regarding God's promise to lead his sheep...He leads, He guides, He is with us....
 
Dear Lord, Please help me to follow your guidance in all that I do.  Even when this world presents confusion, help me to stop and listen to your voice (John 10:4) and follow your lead.  Immanuel-God with us.

Go to Sleep....I'm Right Here

When my girls were young and I was trying to get them to go to sleep on their own, one of the techniques I learned was to appear at their door every 15 minutes for a set amount of time and assure them of my presence.  "I'm right here", I would say as I stuck my head in their room and encouraged them that it was time to get some rest so that we could enjoy the day ahead without being tired and grumpy.  My oldest daughter went right to bed playing some of the Disney records I had as a child on her Fisher Price record player.  In order to lure us back to reassure her of our presence, she would yell, "Turn it over".  My youngest daughter's problem was that she didn't want to miss anything, so getting IN the bed was a nightly issue.
 
This morning, I read the story of the wicked king of Judah, Manasseh.  God certainly went to great lengths to get his attention:

The Lord spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention.  So the Lord brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon. 2 Chronicles 33:10-11

Now that God had his attention, seems that King Manasseh could focus:

In his distress he sought the favor of the Lord his God and humbled himslef greatly before the God of his fathers.  And when he prayed to him, the Lord was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jersalem and to his kingdom.  Then, Manasseh knew that the Lord is God. vs.13

Entreaty (NIV) denotes a petition to God, who is waiting to listen.  Isaac called out to God in the same way when he prayed to God on behalf of his wife, Rebekah, because she was barren.  While these two situations are completely different, it seems that there is a similarity in that both Issac and Manasseh were in a desperate frame of mind and cried out to God BECAUSE they knew he was there, waiting to listen.

"Commands such as do not be anxious typically come after the reason why we don't have to be anxious.  In this case, the reason was slipped into the preceeding verse: "The Lord is at hand" (Philippians 4:5).  That changes everyting.  The emphasis is not on how we pray.  It is on the God who has come close, who hears and who is with us"  Peace That Passes All Understanding, Ed Welch, Table Talk

While I repeat, "Do not be anxious...." to myself at least once per day, I have never realized that the phrase preceeding that verse is "The Lord is at hand (near-NIV)".  That DOES, change everything. 

God, thank you for being Immanuel, God with us.  Help us to remember that you are "right here", listening and waiting for us to bring all of our cares and concerns to you. Amen

First Responders

So, do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. 

I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my right hand. 

Isaiah 41:10

You would think that in the midst of a national disaster (devastating earthquake in Haiti) that God would have all of "His first responders" busy. But, God sent a group of first responders to His church last night.  In less than twelve hours, God called a group of His people together for the sole purpose to share His love to a hurting family.  The message was very clear from God, "this prayer service is not for information, gossip, conjecture, or gloating. There will be plenty of people OUTSIDE this church who will be throwing that and more at them. This is a prayer service to show this family that we love them, God loves them, and we are surrounding them in prayer and love. They need this more than ever at this time".  

The prayer vigil was powerful.  We sang, read scripture and prayed.  Not only did we pray for the family, but we prayed for ourselves....that we would be strong and courageous as we face the days ahead together. 
It was evident that these prayers originated with God...

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. 

We do not know what we ought to pray for but the Spirit himself intercedes for us

with groans that words cannot express. 

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit,

because the Spirit intercedes for the saints (believers) in accordances with God's will.

Romans 8:26

All of us that were present bore witness to what God can do for His children in crisis. These words do not do justice to the power and love that was present as we joined together last night.  We truly do not have to face anything in this life alone. 

Thank you, most precious Lord, for what you did last night for this family.  Mostly, thank you for allowing those of us that were there to experience the mighty power of your love.  Help us to share this experience and your love to those that are hurting in the world.  Help us to be first responders to all those in need...whether physically, emotionally or spiritually.  Amen

God-colored Glasses

This morning, God's family at Faith, face the task of supporting a family who's son has been shot and charged with armed robbery.  This young man was a member of our youth group and grew up in the church.  His parents are an active part of our family of Faith and deeply committed Christians.  Most days I listen to daily devotionals at http://www.pray-as-you-go.com/.  While listening to one in October this past year, I was inspired to reach out to this young man.  The following is the letter I wrote to him. My heart is not only burdened for his family, but also for him.  I pray that I will continue to see him as God sees him and all of us, as children created in His image. 

This morning the text was Luke 13:10-17-the story of Jesus healing the crippled woman on the Sabbath. Immediately, God brought you to mind. If you read the story, she was crippled by a spirit for eighteen years-bent over and could not straighten up. I can’t imagine what it would be like to see the world for eighteen years in that way. In some sense, I know that you have been crippled also by a spirit (the demons of addiction) and are seeing the world in a very different way than most of us. While we all have our own issues and problems, it is difficult for those that have not been crippled by the same spirit to know what it’s like.
I also found it interesting that she had been this way for eighteen years...the scripture does not say how old she is, but what if she was your age? What if she had been this way since she was 12? She probably had no friends and felt very alone. I doubt that she had much of a place in society-how could she work?

What’s amazing about this passage, is that Jesus called her to Him-“When Jesus saw her, he called her forward”…..Why did she step forward? It took an amazing amount of courage for her to leave the crowd and once again face the humiliation of her crippling body….but she did. I see you so clearly at the same point. Jesus is calling you to step forward and face the fact that you have lived for eighteen years(?) with these demons. While you have made great progress in decreasing your use of drugs, you are still living as this woman was-bent over and not able to straighten up…seeing life from a perspective that is not at all how the rest of the world sees life.

In verse sixteen, Jesus again confirms that the reason for her crippling body was that “Satan has kept her bound for eighteen long years. Don’t you see, we are fighting the evil one for your life and soul! I am convinced that you would not be alive if it were not for the prayers of many specifically for you.


While I know it’s hard to see (how could you? Your perspective is totally different from most of us!), Jesus is the only one that can set you free from these demons….”Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.” I don’t know if this is the way God intends to set you free, but why not acknowledge what you are fighting and get some help (spiritual and psychological). Your healing will only come when you call on God Almighty to help you…our prayers can sustain your life, but it’s you who must want to be healed inside and out.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the power of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Ephesians 6:12

I did not want you to think that I have given up on you. Because I have known you since before these demons took over your life, I know what great things you can become and I refuse to give up my prayers for one of God’s precious ones. I can’t stand for Big Red to win! He is a deceiver and manipulator and will convince you (and has for so long) that things are hopeless….I assure you they are not.

While I know that you regret many choices you have made in your life and the consequences that have resulted in those choices, God always provides the opportunity to begin again. Once Jesus placed his hands on her, she immediately straightened up and praised God….can you imagine what it was like for her to suddenly see things in a different way. In verse sixteen it says she was “set free”. It literally means to loosen what is bound, to dissolve, sever or break. That is what must happen in order for you to straighten up and see the world and all that God has for you….you must be set free.

As I said at the beginning, I do not have the skills or knowledge to counsel or guide you to healing. But, I do want you to know that you are not in a hopeless situation. God has won the victory over Big Red, but you must surrender yourself to His healing in your life. None of us can do that for you. No matter how many texts, phone calls or pleas for help you make to your family and friends, nothing will change until YOU decide that you want to see life from a different perspective.

My prayer is that you would admit that you are crippled and need professional and spiritual help-step forward from the crowd. It will be a long journey, but all of us will be there praying, encouraging and cheering you on….”but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things He was doing”.

Dear Lord, May we see each other as you see us, your children created in Your image.  May we extend Your grace, mercy and love to those that see their life as hopeless.  Thank you for making a way for all of us to be set free from our sins through your son, Jesus Christ. Amen