Feeding the Beast of Unworthiness

Now, Haman thought to himself, "Who is there that the king would rather honor than me"? Esther 6:6

As I worked through the daily lesson of the Beth Moore Bible Study (Esther) this morning, I recalled an event in my life that I had long forgotten.

After having an unprecedented year of sales, I was given the opportunity to interview for a national training position. This was a position that I had desired since entering pharmaceutical sales. I had taken advantage of many opportunities to participate in training events, both in our region and at the national level. I had been told many times, “You’re a natural trainer….you should consider working in the training division…” In other words, I felt like I had received support and was a shoo-in for the position.

Unbeknownst to me, my interview was a sham. The position had been filled and my interview was only conducted to make it “look like” they had offered me an opportunity. Not only was I hurt and disappointed, but I was angry. It took me a long time to “shake off” those feelings and refocus my efforts on my current position.

This and other past events have been used by “Big Red” to reinforce my feelings of unworthiness. It is a constant struggle for me to see myself as worthy in the eyes of my Creator and King. Many times, I found myself seeking honor or praise from others to overcome these feelings. God has taught me many times that my worth comes only from being His child…there is no greater honor.

As I continue my journey to the cross, I find myself completely humbled to even BE on the journey. To be a participant in this journey comes only from the saving grace and mercy of my Lord and King. If it weren’t for His sacrifice for me and my sins, I would be struggling to feed the beast of unworthiness with empty honor and praise from the world.

My salvation and my honor depends on God, He is my mighty rock, my refuge. Psalm 62:7

Dear Lord, As I continue this Lenten journey to the cross, help me to humble myself and realize that the only praise and honor that’s needed is to be a servant of my King. Help me to realize that praise and honor from the world is empty and useless in eternity. My heart’s desire is to hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant”. What a great honor that will be! Amen